You wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me

Bestest sign ever.

I wish I was an 🐜.

That looks TASTY!

Today at our Scholastic book fair, I read How Dinosaurs Went Extinct, a Safety Guide to a class of 1st graders.
As we were going through the examples, a student announced “she’s trying to teach us something” (referring to Ame Dyckman✨) and he wanted me to tell her. So I am!

7 y.o.: what if we wrote a book that was just one word again and again

11 y.o.: it’d be pretty boring

7 y.o.: depends on what word we chose

Grocery store ads are WILD!

Look at this cow.
She’s smiling about a sale on…

BEEF.

But… she IS beef!

WHY’S SHE SMILING?!

Maybe ‘cause she’s still here.

Maybe she knew the cow that BECAME beef, & THEY HAD beef.

Maybe it was a bull who said sumthin’ rude to her.

🐮: 😁

My teen joined their school's new #beekeeping club. They don't have honey to sell yet, but wanted to raise some funds at the school fair today. So she came up with a plan.

NFBees.
🐝 😂

The other day, out of nowhere, my husband said to me, 'I love to watch you eat tacos, because you love them so much and you don't care how much of a mess you make eating them.'

Sometimes the odd little compliments are the best.

I do love tacos.

Today, I met a first grader who just got her first pair of glasses.
She told me she picked those glasses all by herself.
Then I told her she looked so beautiful.
She smiled really big and said, “I know!”
And I think we all need this kind of confidence!
🙂🙂🙂

THIS is the cookie that a hippie lady in a park in Vermont gave us the day of the ☀️ eclipse.

She said it would help us:

“SEE BETTER!”

We have not eaten it.

I don’t think we should eat it.

(At least not ‘til my edits are done. 😉😂!)

You’re in line to tour the Diet Coke plant when Security finds Mentos in your pocket.

You’re taken to a small dark room and interrogated.

You’re cooperative.
Charming.
Apologetic…
Coughing.

You NEED something to sip.

They bring you a Diet Coke.

You reach into your sock.

GREAT TIGERMARK GIVEAWAY!!!!
The orginal paintings are going to the 2024 #BookMarkProject , but I have 5 printed limited-edition Tigermarks to give away.
To bag one: Follow, retweet, and tell me your favourite tiger tale!
If more than 5 entrants, I'll choose winners Thurs @ 5pm

YAY! 🎉! ⭐️SAVE 25%⭐️ on:

MONSTER OG #2:
⚙️OG FINDS THE COG⚙️
(🎨 by Elio!
🎂: 5/7/24!)

BAT, CAT & RAT #2:
☀️VACATION☀️
(🎨 by #MarkTeague !
🎂: 5/21/24!)

w/ the Barnes & Noble #BNPREORDER Sale for B&N Members! (FREE to join! Use code PREORDER25!)

THANKS! 😊❤️! Simon Kids

Taking tree-climbing lessons but my instructor is frustrated by my lack of progress.

Last night I had a dream that I wrote a movie where John Cena played a spy who switched bodies with Kermit the Frog and I woke up and was like 'I'd see it'

My kid cracks me up

ME: “Today we’ll buckle down and finish our edits!”

MY 🧠: “Or we COULD start a shiny NEW story…”

ME: “No. Edits.”

MY 🧠: “New story!”

ME: “Edits!”

MY 🧠: 🎵 “NEW STORY-NEW STORY-NEW STOR-YYY!”🎵

ME: 😐

MY 🧠: 🙃

ME: “Fine. New story.”

MY 🧠: “And a sandwich!”

I'm headed to TCAF and visiting a few days early. Any schools in the area interested in a school visit? May 9 or 10. Please email me [email protected] #kidlit #mg

Today we are eating MANDARINQUATS!

(When a mandarin & a kumquat ❤️ each other very, very much… 😂!)

You eat THE WHOLE ENTIRE THING! The peel & everything!

They’re a little sweet & a little citrusy & LOTS of fun to eat! Would totally buy again!

(Regular mandarin for scale.)

Japan got it right. More companies need a mascot.
Nothing makes me want to consume more product than a little weirdo